Make a long story as short as possible -- There is going to be a wedding in a few months. I am unhappy. I was not asked for opinion on date, location, etc.
The ceremony will be taking place in a quaint historical area. Very pretty. Cobblestone streets, old buildings, etc.
Won't go into all the details. It will be difficult for anyone with a physical disability to move around. There is one handicap bathroom. It is located in the Bride's dressing room. Pews have to be moved out to make wheelchair space available.
The area was developed way before the modern accessibility guidelines were conceived.
I am concerned for my guests who use walkers or wheelchairs. to be honest, I am concerned for my own accessibility. I spoke to the owner of the facility. He assured me that in the 25 years he had owned the placed there had never been a problem he wouldn't resolve.
Anyhow, I decided to "warn" one of the relatives that will need assistance. She proceeded to give me a lecture that using the word handicapped is inappropriate. Did I miss something? Is it now on the politically incorrect list of phrases not to be used.
Should I have just kept my mouth shut and let her figure out for herself that it would be difficult to get around.
Like I said -- I did not choose this place. My opinion is probably worth less than any of yours. I can not do anything to change it. My intention is to go to this wedding. My son is getting married. He is happier than he has ever been. That is what is important to me.
Posted by: NANCYE G on 08/01/15
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Good Luck to your son and his family for a bright future.
Posted by: miss crossstitc on 08/01/15
Hi Nancye, I'm probably not the best person to reply to your situation. But, I am so very tired of trying to be politically correct. It seems that today we have to weigh our words so very, very carefully. I am not handicapped so maybe I am not qualified to answer. (Am I being politically correct!?) Believe me, I hate racial slurs, any slang/degrading way to refer to a person's disability - and I truly do not speak that way. But, it seems, we have to be so careful about everything and it is tiring. I don't think you were incorrect in what you said. It seems you are caring and thoughtful in trying to accommodate your friends/family. Seems to me that you are unselfish, gracious, and considerate. And remember the old saying - no good deed goes unpunished!! Do not let this tarnish your happy day. You enjoy!!!
Posted by: narr86 on 08/01/15
I guess today it's called disabled or physically challenged. Yesterday it was handicapped. I'm sure tomorrow there will be another new word. But I too am tired of all this political correctness and being afraid to say anything.
I grew up hearing expressions like dumb Finn or stubborn Finn, and I am stubborn, and a dumb Bohunk (that's my Czech/Bohemian side). My girlfriends were hotheaded Swedes and one was a Cousin Jack. We all took it in stride and laughed about it. We were a great ethnic mix. And too, we were proud of it, proud of who our grandparents were. Everyone is so darned touchy these days. Have they never heard the expression, "Sitcks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." My mom told me that when I was being teased in grade school. As I some times say, we need to get over it, and just be proud of who we are and that we are all a little bit different. I don't want to be a Borg--those are beings from Star Trek, robot-like, with no mind of their own, just part of the collective, and they want everyone to be the same, by forcing you to be.
Sorry, I needed to sound off. I hope I didn't offend. As my mom would have said: Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today? I'll behave now :-) Haven't had my cross stitching fix to relax yet for today.
I hope the wedding is grand. Relax and enjoy it, Nancye.
Adele
Posted by: arottenbucher on 08/01/15
NanceyG I guess you and I are from the same mold. You have to be so PC about anything you say no a days. It is so bad anymore that there isn't someone you will insult. My Dad was a wonderful father, but we always use to say he was the original "Archie Bunker" just like a lot of men from that era. Now a days they probably would put him in jail.
My DH always called me Dingbat the whole time we were married. I didn't feel it was an insult at all, because sometimes I could be. To me it was a sign of love. I was more worried when he called me by my given name. Then I knew I was in trouble. LOL My DH also was confined to a motorized cart because of his spinal stenosis, but never was insulted by the term handicapped.
My oldest son is a Confederate Civil War re-enactor and that has brought up a whole new bunch of PC problems and a very sore subject with those of us who are Civil War "junkies". Usually the people griping the most have now idea about anything about the Civil War.
Well, better get off my soapbox and get back to my sewing and watching the NASCAR Truck Race. Have a good week everyone.
As long as your son is happy that is what matters.
Posted by: syagel on 08/01/15
There are plenty of words to use other than "handicapped." I don't get that it is all of a sudden inappropriate. Do we have to change signage for parking spots, public restrooms, etc. Is a physically challenge person going to protest or refuse to use the things available to make their lives a little easier?
My sister-in-law is an unhappy person. She probably realizes that I can't change stuff and wants to say stuff to me that makes me unhappy. She does a very good job of it.
Hope no one tells her I posted this -- it will be easy for her to figure out it was me.
Posted by: NANCYE G on 08/01/15
Nancye, You stated your son "is happier that he's ever been." To me, that's the most important part of the whole situation you've spoken of. I would be happy if one of my children wanted to get married on a tuna trawler in the middle of the Bering sea with the captain and first mate acting as the best man and a bridesmaid. As long as your son and his soon-to-be-bride are happy as to the location, to me that's the main thing.
As for the INTOLERANT individual that chastised you regarding the use of the word "handicapped" versus what is PC, that individual needs to: A) show more tolerance B) recognize there is MORE THAN ONE WAY to describe an individual who is physically challenged C) bluntly, not to get their "tinsel in a tangle" regarding being PC. I too, am from the old school and was brought up to call people either "handicapped" or have a "disability" and if people get highly offended because I'm not politically correct on how I say something, I would refer them to choice "C"... I don't see that you offended or were offensive...just my opinion...
Posted by: Bermuda on 08/01/15
It's unfortunate that the planners of this wedding did not take into account that elderly or physically challenged guests would need to be accommodated. While young and healthy we often forget. If provisions cannot be made for those guests then I suppose the only option they have is to decline the invitation. That's what DH and I do if the event is scheduled at night. We no longer like to drive in the dark. I would be hesitant to attend a function where I could not use the bathroom the entire day.
My family is quite diverse as far as race, ethnicity and religion is concerned and I am sensitive to slurs and will not tolerate them. We constantly update our vocabulary whether it's in the field of technology or job titles so why not do the same for other groups. Derogatory descriptions are offensive and there is no place for them in our society. My husband is 100% disabled and has a handicapped placard for our vehicles. If whoever decides that the terminology has to be changed and he requires new ones then it won't be a big deal for us. Our government wastes so much money that we can surely afford new signs/placards.
I missed the point of the conversation - how does lack of accommodations for disabled guests become a discussion of being PC. It's difficult to understand unless one is affected.
I am so glad that your son is happy, Nancye, and good luck with everything.
Posted by: Texas Stitcher on 08/01/15
TEXAS -- The point of the conversation is that my sister-in-law upset me. I wanted to tell her that I was concerned for her (and her disability) along with other guests. She did not like the fact that I used the word "handicapped."
On the other hand, I later spoke to a friend that will certainly have a major challenge in that facility. She doesn't have a problem with that naughty word.
I just needed to vent to you guys and gals. Thanks for listening.
Posted by: NANCYE G on 08/01/15
Okay, Nancye, I get it. She should have been overjoyed that you were being so considerate. Yes, I totally understand about having to sound off. That's what we are here for among other things. Being a family member and knowing you well should not have caused herto react in such a nasty way. You know the old saying that "we can't pick our coworkers or family members". So I guess that we are stuck with them. I am almost 69 years old and am still working on not letting them get next to me. I have two kids that know how to push my buttons, the other one is more or less only concerned with himself until his kids set him off. We'be been blessed or cursed with exceptionally bright grandchildren and it's such a challenge. Not for me any longer because I know how choose my battles. Just giving you a heads up of what's to come in about a year's time! LOL You have my best wishes that all will go well with the wedding. It's their day and your sister in law should butt out.
Posted by: Texas Stitcher on 08/01/15
NANCYE G - I think she likes to cause trouble. Doesn't it seem there's one in every family? Did you ask her what phrase she would rather you use? I'd be interested to hear that.
But you did fine. Enjoy your happy day, and the rest of the family.