UGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Going clothes shopping this week for a pair of casual dress pants. I break out into a sweat just thinking about it. There is an outing that DH and I are attending in a couple of weeks and it calls for ‘business casual’. I haven’t worn business casual for over 10 years, have put on some pounds, shortened 1/2” in height.
It’s not just the time it takes hunting through the racks of slacks by the multitude of clothes designers that match the number of fire ants in any given mound. It’s the KNOWING, that once I’ve acquired a pile of slacks that might include ‘the one’ which will embrace me from my waist to my ankle, I’ll be entering the ‘shadow of the valley of dressing rooms” to try my choices on!
I know this because I was there a long, long time ago....
.....and it’s always the same.....
Once you walk through that dressing room entrance you become swallowed into the labyrinth of rooms to choose a dressing room that is not in use, not have 30 items hanging on the interior hooks of one ‘stall’ because the former residents decided they were too tired, too hurried, too ‘“I don’t care if someone else has to pick up after me so I’ll just leave it”, has a door with a lock that works, has a mirror that’s NOT cracked - to avoid the double reflection of my back-end being twice as wide as Mother Nature never intended it to be-, have broken hangers, kids’ candy wrappers, and (heaven forbid)the subtle gleam of a stray staple or some dark stain that still looks wet or that is turning into a new sub-species of fungal bacteria that has yet to be discovered yet by scientists, embedded into the dressing room floor.
You begin to feel as though you are about.to choose the wrong door as a contestant on “The Price is Right’ show.
I’ll do a week of aerobics just in removing my jeans and begin to stuff, slide, snap, zip ‘business casual’ slack choices #1 through #6 and start breaking into a ‘slow sweat panic’ as I try on slacks #7 because the VOICE IN MY HEAD IS WHISPERING ( in a Vincent Price rendition of Dr. Phibes), “If none of them fit, don’t have an attractive color, are too long or too short in the inseam, you’ll have to start the process ALL OVER AGAIN!!!”
I’ll need to bring a “bag’ lunch....
It’s not just the time it takes hunting through the racks of slacks by the multitude of clothes designers that match the number of fire ants in any given mound. It’s the KNOWING, that once I’ve acquired a pile of slacks that might include ‘the one’ which will embrace me from my waist to my ankle, I’ll be entering the ‘shadow of the valley of dressing rooms” to try my choices on!
I know this because I was there a long, long time ago....
.....and it’s always the same.....
Once you walk through that dressing room entrance you become swallowed into the labyrinth of rooms to choose a dressing room that is not in use, not have 30 items hanging on the interior hooks of one ‘stall’ because the former residents decided they were too tired, too hurried, too ‘“I don’t care if someone else has to pick up after me so I’ll just leave it”, has a door with a lock that works, has a mirror that’s NOT cracked - to avoid the double reflection of my back-end being twice as wide as Mother Nature never intended it to be-, have broken hangers, kids’ candy wrappers, and (heaven forbid)the subtle gleam of a stray staple or some dark stain that still looks wet or that is turning into a new sub-species of fungal bacteria that has yet to be discovered yet by scientists, embedded into the dressing room floor.
You begin to feel as though you are about.to choose the wrong door as a contestant on “The Price is Right’ show.
I’ll do a week of aerobics just in removing my jeans and begin to stuff, slide, snap, zip ‘business casual’ slack choices #1 through #6 and start breaking into a ‘slow sweat panic’ as I try on slacks #7 because the VOICE IN MY HEAD IS WHISPERING ( in a Vincent Price rendition of Dr. Phibes), “If none of them fit, don’t have an attractive color, are too long or too short in the inseam, you’ll have to start the process ALL OVER AGAIN!!!”
I’ll need to bring a “bag’ lunch....
Posted by: Bermuda on 06/23/19
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Bermuda! Join me in the supercritical run-on sentences bad grammar shame corner that no one here cares much about!
I was recently accused of using run-on sentences. For a writer, where else could I loosen up but here?
Least of our worries here would be proper grammar! I love your description of a shopping trip with your DH! Mine never goes this with me because:
1. He hates shopping.
2. He is only one week from his driving license expiring and he won't go if I drive.
3. He went shopping for himself and bought white Levis which he made filthy with less than 5 minutes of wear!
4. He knows I have the language of a commercial fishing boat captain, especially in a fitting room.
5. He makes extremely obnoxious noises but does not verbalize any insults. I went shopping with my best friend and
asked her, "Do I look like an elephant in these pants?" She said, "No! You look like a rhino."
6. I shop alone now, on the internet. Some hits, some misses.
Let's go cross-stitch-only shopping together sometime or other. My shopping is also internet driven for cross stitch items, too! Cannot tolerate his comments on cross stitch either. It is always black or white with my DH. I get to hear either "I like that a lot." or "Why would you think you should do that one?" Life is rough. We have had 3 earthquakes from last night into this morning. I only felt number 2. My rear must have become numb from cross stitch shopping!
I was recently accused of using run-on sentences. For a writer, where else could I loosen up but here?
Least of our worries here would be proper grammar! I love your description of a shopping trip with your DH! Mine never goes this with me because:
1. He hates shopping.
2. He is only one week from his driving license expiring and he won't go if I drive.
3. He went shopping for himself and bought white Levis which he made filthy with less than 5 minutes of wear!
4. He knows I have the language of a commercial fishing boat captain, especially in a fitting room.
5. He makes extremely obnoxious noises but does not verbalize any insults. I went shopping with my best friend and
asked her, "Do I look like an elephant in these pants?" She said, "No! You look like a rhino."
6. I shop alone now, on the internet. Some hits, some misses.
Let's go cross-stitch-only shopping together sometime or other. My shopping is also internet driven for cross stitch items, too! Cannot tolerate his comments on cross stitch either. It is always black or white with my DH. I get to hear either "I like that a lot." or "Why would you think you should do that one?" Life is rough. We have had 3 earthquakes from last night into this morning. I only felt number 2. My rear must have become numb from cross stitch shopping!
Posted by: Su Pitt on 06/23/19
Your musings are so on point. I feel your pain and you have my sympathy.
Posted by: MarzHere on 06/23/19
Good luck!
Posted by: marym on 06/23/19
Forget the bagged lunch - - you will deserve a lunch at your favorite eatery. And, looking forward to said lunch out, it just might hasten the shopping/trying on process! I know it always works for me!
Posted by: MarshaR on 06/23/19
If you like jeans, why couldn't you wear a nice pair of dark jeans, and a jacket or really nice blouse. In Wyoming and Nebraska, that would be business casual dress, for me any way.
Posted by: jaba on 06/23/19
What is it about getting older that makes me hate to shop. I use to go shopping every weekend and loved it. Maybe that I have so much in my closet left from my working days that I really don't feel the need anymore. I keep a few dress things and am slowing getting rid of everything else.
Posted by: crusin60 on 06/24/19
Could be worse, you could be shopping for a bathing suit! You left out the over zealous salesperson, who will knock on the door every few minutes, and ask “how are you doing?”, “do you need any other sizes?”, and if you’re really lucky will pick out a few things that she thinks you might like to try, usually things that are no where near what you’re looking for, (looking for black pants, and they bring you red plaid capris)
Good luck with your shopping!
Good luck with your shopping!
Posted by: Jaj on 06/24/19
All the reasons I shop online. I hate shopping and I refuse to deal with the hassle.
Posted by: susiebelle7 on 06/24/19
I think the overall problem is that the designers don't consider those of us of a certain vintage when designing. I don't want to wear what my daughters wear, nor do I want to look frumpy. I don't want pants with tight tapered legs or a top that lets most of it hang out. Shopping for clothing has become an endurance sport. Nowadays , I look when I'm out and about and if I see something I like, I try it on. If it works I buy it.
Posted by: marym on 06/24/19
You are too funny, Bermuda. I have always hated clothes shopping. My mom made almost all of my clothes. When I was young, I had a girlfriend who was so surprised when I told my mom I didn't want to go clothes shopping. My mom was a shopaholic. My younger daughter moved back to Illinois her junior year of high school because of so much peer pressure. She just felt she needed to get out of Colorado. She moved in with my parents. So Mom had someone to take shopping all the time. I would order a bunch of clothes thru JCPenney, try them at home, and then take back to the store what I didn't want. Remember when you could do that? I keep one pair of black slacks and a pair of light colored slacks in my closet now. But I HATE TO CLOTHES SHOP!!!!
Posted by: djhmom55 on 06/24/19