Funny Phrases: Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits

Need a laugh stitch? Choose a funny phrase cross stitch with clean lettering and simple borders. Finish a small for a desk or housewarming gift.
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Tools of the Trade by Sue Hillis Designs
Tools of the Trade
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
The tools every pirate needs. When stitched on 14 count fabric or "over two" on 28 count, fits into an 8 inch by 10 inch frame. Three coin...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 126
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Lady Witch by PinoyStitch
Sassy Lady Witch
a Cross Stitch Pattern by PinoyStitch
Cross stitch Sassy Ladies speak their mind! Designed retro style with quirky quotes for a fun project. Easy stitch, mostly full stitches...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:57w x 49
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss Colors: 11
Multiple styles available
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Controlling my Tongue by Iris Originals
Controlling my Tongue
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, sadly this is true most of the time!
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:84w x 85
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Love You Warts'n All by Val's Stuff
Love You Warts'n All
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Val's Stuff
Cross stitch pattern from Val's Stuff featuring a frog with the Valentine's Day sentiment "love you warts n' all." Stitched on 36 count...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:61w x 37
Fabric:36ct. Linen Antique White
Floss:DMC
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Had My Coffee? by Iris Originals
Had My Coffee?
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Great and simple chart for the coffee addict. Why are you talking to me before I've had my coffee.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:106w x 136
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.30
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Work on Your Problem by Iris Originals
Work on Your Problem
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Ever had someone who wanted you to drop everything and work on.... well, you know. Cute saying for an office wall - makes a great gift.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 52
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Worry by Iris Originals
Worry
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Worry is a misuse of imagingation. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 79 x 54. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:79w x 54
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Dear Lord... She's Awake by Iris Originals
Dear Lord... She's Awake
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"Dear Lord, Help me to live my life in such a way that when my feet hit the floor in the morning, satan shudders and says, Oh S---, she's...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:65w x 80
Fabric:14ct. Aida
Floss:4 DMC or Anchor colors
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Fishing Quote 3 by Artecy Cross Stitch
Fishing Quote 3
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artecy Cross Stitch
This counted cross stitch pattern with the fishing quote, There's always time for one more cast, was created from Artwork by Gomolach. Only...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:140w x 156
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 DMC colors
$7.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Tacos & More Mini Cross Stitch Pattern by PinoyStitch
Tacos & More Mini Cross Stitch Pattern
a Cross Stitch Pattern by PinoyStitch
Stitch & a Hoop Pattern: Tacos & More Mini Cross Stitch Pattern Design Source: Pinoy Stitch DMC Floss...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:100w x 74
Floss:DMC Floss Colors: 15
Designer:PinoyStitch
Multiple styles available
$8.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Over the Hill by Iris Originals
Over the Hill
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I'll never be over the hill - I'm too tired to climb it! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 78 x 87. Model stitched on 14ct White...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:78w x 87
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:7 DMC colors
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, When I am Old....Grandchildren by MarNic Designs
When I am Old....Grandchildren
a Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"If I'd know grandchildren were this much fun, I'd had them to begin with!" Model stitched 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with DMC floss and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:119w x 88
Fabric:28ct. Jobelan Antique White
Floss:DMC Floss and Kreinik
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Explaining by Iris Originals
I'm Explaining
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Just another cute saying - and yes, I am right :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 78
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:6 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My hobby by Kiokiz
My hobby
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kiokiz
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:74w x 47
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$5.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Lady Sarcasm by PinoyStitch
Sassy Lady Sarcasm
a Cross Stitch Pattern by PinoyStitch
Cross stitch Sassy Ladies speak their mind! Designed retro style with quirky quotes for a fun project. Easy stitch, mostly full stitches...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:58w x 49
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss Colors: 12
Multiple styles available
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Kiss Me, I'm Kinda Irish by Miss Prim Cross Stitch
Kiss Me, I'm Kinda Irish
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Miss Prim Cross Stitch
This versatile doll isn't just for the Irish on St. Patrick's Day. Great for bridal shower, engagements, Valentine's Day! Includes 6...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:114w x 168
Fabric:28ct. Linen Light Mocha
Floss:Weeks,GentleArt,DMC Equivalent
$12.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee Protection by Iris Originals
Coffee Protection
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"I drink coffee for your protection". Excellent gift for that coffee loving friend, or maybe for yourself.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:85w x 88
Fabric:14ct. Fiddler's Cloth Oatmeal Lite
Floss:4 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Vision Problem by Iris Originals
Vision Problem
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
About right for a lot of days for me.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:90w x 78
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Look in the Mirror by Iris Originals
Look in the Mirror
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Probably this never happens to you - but it's the same at my house every day. "Who is that person?"
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:87w x 114
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:8 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Imagine a world where FABRIC is FREE and CROSS STITCH makes you THIN by Cross Stitch Wonders
Imagine a world where FABRIC is FREE and CROSS STITCH makes you THIN
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Imagine a world where FABRIC is FREE and CROSS STITCH makes you THIN! An awesome saying that surely makes one smile. :-) Original...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:228w x 150
Floss:DMC
Designer:Marcia Manning
On Sale:$8.49
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Spilling Coffee by Iris Originals
Spilling Coffee
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Spilling coffee is the adult equivalent of losing your balloon. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 113 x 115. Model stitched on...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:113w x 115
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 DMC colors
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Invisible Crown by Kiokiz
Invisible Crown
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kiokiz
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:55w x 70
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Dust Bunnies by Linda Jeanne Jenkins
Dust Bunnies
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Linda Jeanne Jenkins
A little light-hearted jab at our housekeeping efforts. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 103 x 130. Model stitched on 16ct...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:103w x 130
Fabric:16ct. Aida Ivory
Floss:Gentle Art
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Snow-Woman's Work by Imaginating
Snow-Woman's Work
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
A woman knows this is so true!
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:158w x 92
Fabric:28ct. Linen Icelandic Blue
Floss:DMC Floss
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Slow Down Sparky by Iris Originals
Slow Down Sparky
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yeah, it's annoying to get old and not be able to move as fast as we once could. But.... I'm still moving and above the grass, so a lot to...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:114w x 115
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.30
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Priceless by Iris Originals
I'm Priceless
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yup, that's me - priceless
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:104w x 85
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
$7.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Yeah - You Wish by Iris Originals
Yeah - You Wish
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, I wish!!
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 86
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Kits, Don't Stress Meowt Kit by Mill Hill
Don't Stress Meowt Kit
a Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
Kit Includes: Beads, fabric , floss, needles, chart and instructions.
Kit Details:
Size:5.25" X 7"
$17.49
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Ohh Deer Christmas is Here by Cross Stitch Wonders
Ohh Deer Christmas is Here
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A Great HOLIDAY Phrase/Saying Design in counted cross stitch! Marcia Manning designed this from Licensed artwork by Sanquentti Design....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 99
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
On Sale:$3.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Minis: Chocolate is the Answer by PinoyStitch
Minis: Chocolate is the Answer
a Cross Stitch Pattern by PinoyStitch
Cross Stitch Pattern: Chocolate is the Answer Designed by: ©...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:57w x 59
Fabric:14ct. Aida
Floss:DMC Colors: 10
Multiple styles available
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Red Hat by Sue Hillis Designs
Red Hat
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
I shall wear purple with a red hat. When stitched on 14 count fabric or "over two" on 28 count, fits into a 5 inch by 7 inch frame. Purple...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:49w x 68
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Cupcake by Iris Originals
Cupcake
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Who loves cupcakes? Most of us I think. SO, here's a way to turn yours into a healty bite. :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:118w x 77
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC floss
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Broom Parking by The Stitcherhood
Broom Parking
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
A sign to remind everyone not to park in your spot. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 94 x 79. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:94w x 79
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:1 DMC color
$5.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Super Mom by Iris Originals
Super Mom
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Moms are truly super - great chart to finish for "your" Mom - or for yourself.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:108w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:16 DMC or Anchor
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sunshine & Roses by Iris Originals
Sunshine & Roses
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Do you ever have days like that? I do and I suspect most of use do. Sunshine & Roses vs Rain Clouds, Donkey butts and Poison Ivy. ...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:78w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:7 DMC or Anchor colors
$6.30
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Cross Stitch Patterns, The Older I Get by Iris Originals
The Older I Get
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yeah, unfortunately that sign says it all.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:101w x 65
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:5 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, A Cat Saying - Show Me Your Kitties by Cross Stitch Wonders
A Cat Saying - Show Me Your Kitties
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
An Adorable CAT SAYING in counted cross stitch! Cross Stitch Pattern designed by Marcia Manning. Design is 82 stitches wide by 97 stitches...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:82w x 97
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
On Sale:$3.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Vintage by Iris Originals
I'm Vintage
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, that's me - old AND vintage!
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:85w x 61
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:12 colors Anchor or DMC
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Modern Dictionary: Tea by Stitchnmomma
Modern Dictionary: Tea
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
Looking for a quick weekend project? Then this piece from my Modern Dictionary Series is perfect for you! This series gives fun, modern...
Pattern Details:
Size:varies with fabric used
Floss:1 DMC Cotton color
Designer:Kelly Myers
$7.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, DysFUNctional Me by Imaginating
DysFUNctional Me
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Add a little sass to your stitching with this stylishly snarky pattern! Featuring a sophisticated lady in a sharp suit, chic hat, and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:81w x 114
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:23 DMC floss colors
$9.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Quotables Coffee Life by PinoyStitch
Quotables Coffee Life
a Cross Stitch Pattern by PinoyStitch
A quotables word art pattern with little or no backstitching. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 94 x 107. Model stitched on 14ct...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:94w x 107
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 DMC colors
Multiple styles available
$8.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Matilda Mallstomper by Alma Lynne Designs
Matilda Mallstomper
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Alma Lynne Designs
Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 180 x 248. Model stitched on 14ct Antique White Aida using DMC floss.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:180w x 248
Fabric:14ct. Aida Antique White
Floss:39 DMC colors
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sweet Mixed Pickles 3-Pack by Pickle Barrel Designs
Sweet Mixed Pickles 3-Pack
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
For all of you pickle lovers out there I present to you a pickle-icious 3-pack called "SWEET MIXED PICKLES"! Even better you could stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:140w x 211
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
$12.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Snow Place Like Home - 3 by Country Cottage Needleworks
Snow Place Like Home - 3
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Country Cottage Needleworks
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:59w x 72
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Lots of Things by Iris Originals
Lots of Things
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
If I had the energy - or the want to - that I had when I was 25 (or even 50) - I'd be a superwoman. Sadly, age is catching up with me and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 129
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Aging by The Stitcherhood
Aging
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Forget aging gracefully. Age DISgracefully. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 118 x 70. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:118w x 70
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:1 DMC color
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Me, Weird? by Iris Originals
Me, Weird?
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Me weird? I think you mean very freakin' unique! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 99 x 96. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:7 DMC colors
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Not OCD by Iris Originals
I'm Not OCD
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Would you really do this - turn the toilet paper roll to go a different way at someone else's house? I've sure been tempted.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:103w x 85
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor floss
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sexy Chick by Peacock & Fig
Sexy Chick
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock & Fig
Inspired by a vintage illustration, this sweet little retro cross stitch pattern is perfect for any home decor or office.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:112w x 75
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$8.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Necessary Insanity by Cross-Point Designs
Necessary Insanity
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross-Point Designs
Great for the office! Featuring Felix, a real live twenty pound cat who sometimes gets himself into a little bit of trouble. A floss...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:112w x 56
Fabric:14ct. Aida
Floss:DMC
$5.00
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