Funny Phrases Cross Stitch Patterns

Need a laugh stitch? Choose a funny phrase cross stitch with clean lettering and simple borders. Finish a small for a desk or housewarming gift.
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Cross Stitch Patterns, A Stitch a Day by The Stitcherhood
A Stitch a Day
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
A Stitch a Day Keeps the Crazy Away. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 80 x 100. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 100
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 DMC colors
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Rise & Shine by Iris Originals
Rise & Shine
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Don't know about you - but I'm thinking I'm not the only one that isn't bright eyed when she gets out of bed. Great chart for a friend who...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:77w x 94
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, The Reason I Wake up Early by Iris Originals
The Reason I Wake up Early
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
MY DOG - is the reason I wake up in the morning.... cute cross stitch for the dog lover in your life.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 84
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Side Effects by Iris Originals
Side Effects
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Don't you know it - the older I get (and yes, I am old) the more I know I'm old from the way I'm feeling. Everyone knows that all meds...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:93w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 colors DMC or Anchor
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Wednesday - friday by Iris Originals
Wednesday - friday
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Goodness - sometimes don't you just look at that calendar and think - or no, it's only Wednesday when I was ready for Friday?! This says...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:84w x 88
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 DMC or Anchor colors
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sunshine by White Willow Stitching
Sunshine
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
A great design for those with a twisted sense of humor. The "censored" section showed on the image of the design is not an actual part of...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:49w x 71
Fabric:28ct. Linen
Floss:6 DMC colors
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Weird by Iris Originals
Weird
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, it really is! Yes, I'm old - but in my mind I don't feel old. I suspect there are many like me. Great for yourself or gift for a...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:101w x 76
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Ingredients by Iris Originals
Ingredients
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Cute chart for those who aren't crazy about cooking (that would be me).
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:105w x 84
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:5 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Worry by Iris Originals
Worry
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Worry is a misuse of imagingation. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 79 x 54. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:79w x 54
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC colors
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Work on Your Problem by Iris Originals
Work on Your Problem
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Ever had someone who wanted you to drop everything and work on.... well, you know. Cute saying for an office wall - makes a great gift.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 52
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 colors DMC or Anchor
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Explaining by Iris Originals
I'm Explaining
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Just another cute saying - and yes, I am right :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 78
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:6 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, When I am Old....Grandchildren by MarNic Designs
When I am Old....Grandchildren
a Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"If I'd know grandchildren were this much fun, I'd had them to begin with!" Model stitched 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with DMC floss and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:119w x 88
Fabric:28ct. Jobelan Antique White
Floss:DMC Floss and Kreinik
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Look in the Mirror by Iris Originals
Look in the Mirror
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Probably this never happens to you - but it's the same at my house every day. "Who is that person?"
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:87w x 114
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:8 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Dust Bunnies by Linda Jeanne Jenkins
Dust Bunnies
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Linda Jeanne Jenkins
Family and friends aren't the only ones to gather at our homes! Just when we're not looking, a few little "critters" slip in to join the...
Pattern Details:
Floss:Gentle Arts 0350, 1050, 7041, 7060 and Rainbow Gallery Whisper W60 with DMC substitutions listed.
Designer:Linda Jeanne Jenkins
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Minis: Chocolate is the Answer by PinoyStitch
Minis: Chocolate is the Answer
a Cross Stitch Pattern by PinoyStitch
Cross Stitch Pattern: Chocolate is the Answer Designed by: ©...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:57w x 59
Fabric:14ct. Aida
Floss:DMC Colors: 10
Multiple styles available
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, The Older I Get by Iris Originals
The Older I Get
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yeah, unfortunately that sign says it all.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:101w x 65
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:5 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Aging by The Stitcherhood
Aging
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Forget aging gracefully. Age DISgracefully. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 118 x 70. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:118w x 70
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:1 DMC color
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Not OCD by Iris Originals
I'm Not OCD
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Would you really do this - turn the toilet paper roll to go a different way at someone else's house? I've sure been tempted.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:103w x 85
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Shoelaces by Iris Originals
Shoelaces
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 67
Fabric:14ct. Aida Lambswool
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, If you keep a glass of WINE in each hand, you can't touch your face. by Cross Stitch Wonders
If you keep a glass of WINE in each hand, you can't touch your face.
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A great WINE saying with wearing a mask for Covid in mind! IF YOU KEEP A GLASS OF WINE IN EACH HAND, YOU CAN'T TOUCH YOUR FACE counted...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:180w x 116
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Today's Specials by Iris Originals
Today's Specials
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yup, that's the special many days - lack of sleep, up to early and definitely low on patience. :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:107w x 118
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, People Skills by Iris Originals
People Skills
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"I made it though the day without beating anyone with a chair, I'd say my people skills are improving".
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 105
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 colors DMC or Anchor
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Just Pee on It by Iris Originals
Just Pee on It
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Sometimes I'd really like to do that - just pee on it and walk away.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:125w x 94
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 skeins DMC or Anchor
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, If you keep a BEER in each hand, you can't touch your face. by Cross Stitch Wonders
If you keep a BEER in each hand, you can't touch your face.
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A great BEER saying with wearing a mask for Covid in mind! IF YOU KEEP A BEER IN EACH HAND, YOU CAN'T TOUCH YOUR FACE counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:180w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Kid Proof Lids by Iris Originals
Kid Proof Lids
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Don't know about you - but there are LOTS of lids out there that I can't open these days. They sure don't make things for older people to...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:97w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sparkly Stuff by Iris Originals
Sparkly Stuff
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 77 x 97. Model...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:77w x 97
Fabric:14ct. Aida
Floss:DMC & Rainbow Gallery
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Happy New Year! by The Stitcherhood
Happy New Year!
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Here is a funny design. Happy New Year! Let’s try this again. Fortunately, we get to do that each year, and hopefully make it better each...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 81
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:DMC #310 (black). Also pictured in red (#321) and blue (#517)
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My Dog by Iris Originals
My Dog
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Cute little saying about my dog - and yes, he really does think I'm awesome :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:86w x 54
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 skeins Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Vixen by Bobbie G Designs
Vixen
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:88w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Never Drive Faster Than Your Broom Can Fly by MarNic Designs
Never Drive Faster Than Your Broom Can Fly
a Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:48w x 34
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Talk To Me Goose by Silver Creek Samplers
Talk To Me Goose
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Silver Creek Samplers
This fun and quirky design features a bold, expressive goose paired with playful lettering for a touch of humor and farmhouse flair. With...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:62w x 38
Fabric:18ct. Aida
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Measure of a Man by White Willow Stitching
Measure of a Man
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Ready to giggle? Between fish stories and other man stories many of us know this one in our sleep and now StitchBitch has brought it to us...
Pattern Details:
Floss:3 DMC Floss colors
Designer:StitchBitch
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Good Grief by Iris Originals
Good Grief
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well this describes me perfectly. It can almost be looking at me and I still can't find it.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:90w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:6 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Full Time Job by Imaginating
Full Time Job
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
This leaflet includes the chart and instructions.   The floss, fabric and any other supplies required to complete the project are...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:94w x 69
Floss:DMC
Designer:Diane Arthurs
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Unicorn by Kiokiz
Unicorn
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kiokiz
Pattern Details:
Floss:DMC
Designer:Kiokiz
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, When Life Gives you Lemons by Iris Originals
When Life Gives you Lemons
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"When life gives you lemons, put them in your sweet tea and thank God you're a southerner!" And if you're not a southerner - you can still...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:73w x 110
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 colors Anchor or DMC
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Silence you Peasant by Iris Originals
Silence you Peasant
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Ever just wanted to tell someone "shut up" - try it this way :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:87w x 92
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:14 count
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Bad Boy by White Willow Stitching
Bad Boy
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Bad Boy is designed by my friend StitchBitch who has a wicked, sharp and twisted sense of humor. Designed using full stitches and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:79w x 62
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC floss colors
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #2 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #2
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A little dark humor for serious coffee lovers! This witty design is a quick and fun stitch for anyone who knows that caffeine comes...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:36w x 36
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #3 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #3
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A fun and cheeky design for coffee lovers who know the drill: pour it first, and then they will come! Counted cross stitch pattern....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:56w x 36
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #5 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #5
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A sweet and witty design for anyone who believes true love comes with the irresistible aroma of freshly brewed coffee! Counted cross...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 60
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #6 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #6
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
Short, simple and delightfully sassy! This fun design is perfect for anyone who knows that sometimes, coffee really is the...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:33w x 24
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #7 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #7
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A playful design for coffee lovers who prefer their daily buzz in a mug! This witty saying is sure to bring a smile to anyone who considers...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:49w x 48
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #8 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #8
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A fun and relatable design for coffee lovers who know that a little caffeine can make any conversation better! Counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:39w x 36
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #9 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #9
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A fun and charming design for coffee lovers who know that a freshly brewed cup is truly the language of love! Counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:55w x 48
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Feral by Stitchnmomma
Feral
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
Is it meno-rage? Is it acute sleep deprivation? Is it the current state of our country? I don’t know, but I know it has been my current...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:65w x 28
Fabric:28ct. Linen
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Chocolate Resistance by Erica Michaels Designs
Chocolate Resistance
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Erica Michaels Designs
Personally, for me there is no resistance happening whatsoever - but perhaps that's easier for others! This quick-to-stitch design is just...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:141w x 47
Fabric:36ct. Linen Vintage Country Mocha
Floss:Weeks Dye Works
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Protecting Mama by Iris Originals
Protecting Mama
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
My little dog barks at EVERYTHING! Maybe you know someone with one like that - or do you have one too.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:92w x 107
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 colors DMC or Anchor
On Sale:$5.35
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Rough Week by Iris Originals
Rough Week
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"It's been a rough week. But on a positive side I didn't need any bail money and i didn't have to hide any bodies." Cute saying for...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 126
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor
On Sale:$5.35
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Seriously by Iris Originals
Seriously
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Have you ever just looked at someone and said...seriously?? Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 86 x 65. Model stitched on 14ct...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:86w x 65
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:7 DMC colors
On Sale:$5.35
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