Funny Phrases Cross Stitch Patterns

Need a laugh stitch? Choose a funny phrase cross stitch with clean lettering and simple borders. Finish a small for a desk or housewarming gift.
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Goblins by Shakespeare's Peddler
Goblins
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Shakespeare's Peddler
Pattern by Shakespeare's Peddler featuring a spooky Halloween design with the words "The Goblins will get you if you don't watch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 89
Fabric:40ct. Linen Platinum/China White
Floss:DMC, Gentle Art, Weeks Dye Works
Released:  3/13/2026
On Sale:$10.19
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Cross Stitch Patterns, No Solicitors by Artists Alley
No Solicitors
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artists Alley
No Solicitors Violators will be sacrificed to the Old Gods Not the new
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:150w x 151
Fabric:14ct. Aida Ice Blue
Floss:DMC
Released:  3/10/2026
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Shake Your Tail by Alessandra Adelaide Needleworks
Shake Your Tail
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Alessandra Adelaide Needleworks
AAN Privee Collection - Shake your bunny tail. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 122 x 123. Model stitched on White fabric using...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:122w x 123
Fabric:18ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
Released:  3/10/2026
$12.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Love You Warts'n All by Val's Stuff
Love You Warts'n All
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Val's Stuff
Cross stitch pattern from Val's Stuff featuring a frog with the Valentine's Day sentiment "love you warts n' all." Stitched on 36 count...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:61w x 37
Fabric:36ct. Linen Antique White
Floss:DMC
Released:  2/27/2026
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Teardrop Ornament - Life Is Better In A Hot Tub by Cross Stitch Wonders
Teardrop Ornament - Life Is Better In A Hot Tub
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
From our Teardrop Ornament Series is LIFE IS BETTER IN A HOT TUB! Design is 39 stitches wide by 55 stitches high and designed by Marcia...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:39w x 55
Fabric:14ct. Perforated Paper White
Floss:DMC
Released:  2/17/2026
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Friendly Advice by Imaginating
Friendly Advice
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Witty, relatable, and just a little too real, this clever design perfectly captures the inner panic we all feel before hitting “send.” With...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:81w x 136
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Multiple styles available
Released:  1/22/2026
On Sale:$7.65
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Beach Please Cross Stitch Pattern by Spot Colors
Beach Please Cross Stitch Pattern
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Spot Colors
A fun and tropical design bursting with sunny beach vibes, palm trees, and colorful summer details. Beach Please is a playful stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:70w x 70
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  1/14/2026
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Bakers Pro Tip by Imaginating
Bakers Pro Tip
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
A sweet (and slightly unhinged) reminder that cake is best enjoyed immediately. This playful cross-stitch pattern features a happy baker,...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 146
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Multiple styles available
Released:  12/22/2025
On Sale:$7.65
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Home Is Where The Cat Is by Kitty & Me Designs
Home Is Where The Cat Is
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kitty & Me Designs
A gentle and heartwarming design celebrating the quiet magic of home. Featuring a sweet cat’s face framed by soft florals and the...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:157w x 110
Fabric:28ct. Lugana White
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  12/17/2025
$12.80
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Happiness on the Couch by Romy's Creations
Happiness on the Couch
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Romy's Creations
A cozy, feel-good design for anyone who knows true happiness involves comfort and a little downtime. This playful pattern features an...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 50
Fabric:32ct. Linen Vintage Country Mocha
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  12/1/2025
$12.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, It Takes a Village by Imaginating
It Takes a Village
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Parenting humor at its best, because where is that village when you need it? A lighthearted stitch for anyone who's ever felt outnumbered...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 130
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 DMC colors
Multiple styles available
Released:  10/22/2025
On Sale:$7.65
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Spite & Caffeine by Rebel Stitcher Designs
Spite & Caffeine
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Rebel Stitcher Designs
Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 191w x 91h. Stitched on 40ct. White Mustard Linen by XJuDesign using Cottage Garden Threads. ...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:191w x 91
Fabric:40ct. Linen Antique White
Floss:Cottage Garden Threads
Released:  10/16/2025
$15.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, To Have And To Fold by Silver Creek Samplers
To Have And To Fold
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Silver Creek Samplers
A humorous, vintage-inspired sampler that turns everyday chores into something worth smiling about. Featuring playful typography and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:49w x 98
Fabric:18ct. Aida
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  10/16/2025
$13.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sheet-Faced by Artists Alley
Sheet-Faced
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artists Alley
A cheeky, modern design with a bold sense of humor. Featuring an adorably unapologetic character and the phrase “Let’s get sheet-faced,”...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:65w x 49
Fabric:14ct. Aida Lambswool
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  10/9/2025
On Sale:$8.49
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee & Dinosaurs #2 by Iris Originals
Coffee & Dinosaurs #2
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Coffee is vital for survival - Dinosaurs didn't have coffee - Look how that turned out. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 98 x...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:98w x 110
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 DMC colors
Released:  8/28/2025
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, To Drink Coffee by Sweet Wing Studio
To Drink Coffee
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sweet Wing Studio
For the true coffee lovers out there—this fun and cheeky design says it all! Bold lettering and cozy colors make this a perfect project to...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:59w x 90
Fabric:28ct. Lugana Mushroom
Floss:WDW, DMC and CCW
Released:  8/4/2025
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Overthink by Lucy Beam
Overthink
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Lucy Beam
A warm, relatable design that mixes heartfelt sentiment with gentle humor. Featuring soft, rustic motifs and the honest phrase “Pray for...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:86w x 70
Fabric:36ct. Linen
Floss:Gentle Art Sampler Threads, DMC Floss
Released:  8/4/2025
$12.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Anxious by Lucy Beam
Anxious
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Lucy Beam
A heartfelt, gently humorous design that blends honesty with charm. Featuring delicate florals and the candid phrase “Pray for me, I’m...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:97w x 95
Fabric:36ct. Linen
Floss:Gentle Art Sampler Threads, DMC Floss
Released:  8/4/2025
$12.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Ruin Your Day by Imaginating
Ruin Your Day
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
When life rains on your parade, grab your umbrella, scowl proudly, and remember—ruining your day is a you job. This moody little stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 145
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Multiple styles available
Released:  7/30/2025
On Sale:$7.65
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My Body Knows by Iris Originals
My Body Knows
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Features a cute dinosaur with the phrase - My body knows how old I am, but my mind just refuses to believe it! Counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:79w x 90
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC colors
Released:  7/24/2025
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Of Course I'm Cute by Iris Originals
Of Course I'm Cute
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Of course I’m cute… haven’t you seen my great-gram! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 91 x 65. Model stitched on 14ct White...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:91w x 65
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:10 DMC colors
Released:  7/17/2025
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Independent Woman & Dog by Iris Originals
Independent Woman & Dog
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
A hilarious, pet-lover approved design that celebrates the not-so-glamorous side of independence. Featuring playful pups and the relatable...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:86w x 77
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  7/17/2025
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Your Opinion by Imaginating
Your Opinion
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Your Opinion" is for the unapologetically bold! Featuring a confident woman with one hand on her hip and the other dismissively raised,...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:97w x 125
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 DMC floss colors
Multiple styles available
Released:  6/27/2025
On Sale:$7.65
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Bed to Coffeepot by Iris Originals
Bed to Coffeepot
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yup, that's most mornings - but don't forget the coffee! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 83w x 98h. Stitched on 14ct. White...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:83w x 98
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  6/26/2025
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Be Productive by Iris Originals
Be Productive
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I wake up every morning planning to be productive then the voice inside my head says..."Ha, Ha, Good one!" And we laugh & laugh and drink...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:105w x 110
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC colors
Released:  6/26/2025
$7.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Tossing & Turning by Iris Originals
Tossing & Turning
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Sounds like a good idea to me - I need all the exercise I can get! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 105w x 83. Stitched on...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:105w x 83
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  6/19/2025
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Normal by Iris Originals
Normal
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Oh yeah, and some days I'm not even sure what "normal" is!
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:103w x 94
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC
Released:  6/19/2025
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Eyeroll by Imaginating
Eyeroll
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
We've all had those days, and this stitch captures it perfectly! Featuring a frazzled woman at her desk, clearly done with it all, this...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:102w x 129
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC floss colors
Multiple styles available
Released:  6/17/2025
On Sale:$7.65
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Talk Dirt To Me by Val's Stuff
Talk Dirt To Me
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Val's Stuff
Perfect for garden lovers with a sense of humor, this cheerful design features a friendly gardener surrounded by blooming flowers,...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:97w x 122
Fabric:28ct. Lugana Ice Blue
Floss:DMC Floss, Weeks Dye Works
Released:  6/8/2025
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Ex-People Person by Imaginating
Ex-People Person
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
This cheeky pattern features the phrase “I used to be a people person but people ruined it for me”, with a no-nonsense lady throwing up the...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 121
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Multiple styles available
Released:  6/3/2025
On Sale:$7.65
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Always One by Rosewood Manor
Always One
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Rosewood Manor
Cross stitch pattern from Rosewood Manor featuring the phrase "There is always one in every crowd"! Pattern is stitched on 28 ct White...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:90w x 60
Fabric:28ct. Linen White
Floss:DMC
Released:  5/30/2025
$7.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, If Unbearable by Stitchy Prose
If Unbearable
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchy Prose
A perfect stitch for somebody that needs a little more than the average Snickers Bar. "If unbearable, please go to the...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 288
Fabric:32ct. Linen Silvery Moon
Floss:Classic Colorworks, DMC
Released:  5/30/2025
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Barefoot by Rosewood Manor
Barefoot
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Rosewood Manor
Cross stitch pattern from Rosewood Manor featuring the phrase "If you are not barefoot, then you are overdressed"! Pattern is stitched...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 60
Fabric:32ct. Linen White
Floss:DMC
Released:  5/30/2025
$7.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I Dusted Once by Iris Originals
I Dusted Once
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I dusted once - it came back. I'm not falling for that again! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 90 x 76. Model stitched on...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:90w x 76
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 DMC colors
Released:  5/29/2025
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Lick the Frosting by Iris Originals
Lick the Frosting
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin...and muffins are healthy - You're Welcome! Counted cross stitch pattern....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:93w x 79
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Released:  5/20/2025
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Santa's Helpers by Sue Hillis Designs
Santa's Helpers
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Features colorful Christmas cocktails beneath the phrase “Santa’s Real Helpers.” With its bright colors, charming details, and lighthearted...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 67
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  5/15/2025
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Going to be Sensible by Iris Originals
Going to be Sensible
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, at least I'm going to try
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:84w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC
Released:  4/29/2025
$7.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, At That Age by Iris Originals
At That Age
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, I guess if one lives long enough, this can be correct.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:81w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 color Anchor or DMC
Released:  4/29/2025
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Priceless by Iris Originals
I'm Priceless
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yup, that's me - priceless
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:104w x 85
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Released:  4/29/2025
$7.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Yeah - You Wish by Iris Originals
Yeah - You Wish
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, I wish!!
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 86
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
Released:  4/29/2025
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Don't Panic by The Stitcherhood
Don't Panic
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Don't panic. Organize! A design for anti-bullying, pro community or individual empowerment.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:112w x 109
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 DMC colors
Released:  4/15/2025
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Was It The Hare? by Val's Stuff
Was It The Hare?
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Val's Stuff
This whimsical spring design features a tall bunny surrounded by blooming flowers and fluttering butterflies. Paired with the playful...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:68w x 168
Fabric:32ct. Linen Lemon Yellow
Floss:DMC Floss, Weeks Dye Works
Released:  4/15/2025
$11.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Pants by Rebel Stitcher Designs
Pants
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Rebel Stitcher Designs
This is a printed cross stitch pattern by Rebel Stitcher Designs. It features a whimsical design that says 'I can't decide what pants to...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:136w x 99
Fabric:40ct. Linen
Floss:Classic Color Works
Released:  4/15/2025
$15.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, OMG They Got Me a Whole Tree by Cross Stitch Wonders
OMG They Got Me a Whole Tree
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 63 x 78. Model stitched on 14ct fabric using DMC floss. Great project for perforated paper,...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:63w x 78
Fabric:14ct. Aida Vintage Blue Whisper
Floss:7 DMC colors
Released:  4/14/2025
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, DysFUNctional Me by Imaginating
DysFUNctional Me
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Add a little sass to your stitching with this stylishly snarky pattern! Featuring a sophisticated lady in a sharp suit, chic hat, and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:81w x 114
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:23 DMC floss colors
Released:  3/11/2025
$9.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, A Stitch a Day by The Stitcherhood
A Stitch a Day
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
A Stitch a Day Keeps the Crazy Away. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 80 x 100. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 100
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 DMC colors
Released:  2/5/2025
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, It Happened So Fast by Iris Originals
It Happened So Fast
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I knew one day I'd get old. But how fast it happened was a bit of a surprise. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 76 x 83. Model...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:76w x 83
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Released:  2/5/2025
$7.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Happy New Year! by The Stitcherhood
Happy New Year!
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Here is a funny design. Happy New Year! Let’s try this again. Fortunately, we get to do that each year, and hopefully make it better each...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 81
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:DMC #310 (black). Also pictured in red (#321) and blue (#517)
Released:  2/5/2025
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Crazy Cat Lady by Artists Alley
Crazy Cat Lady
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artists Alley
Let's face it, I was crazy before the cats. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 100 x 98. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:100w x 98
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:13 DMC colors
Released:  1/29/2025
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My Thoughts by Iris Originals
My Thoughts
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Sometimes the thoughts in my head get bored and stroll out of my mouth! That's never a good thing! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:91w x 106
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Released:  1/3/2025
$6.50
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