Funny Phrases Cross Stitch Patterns

Need a laugh stitch? Choose a funny phrase cross stitch with clean lettering and simple borders. Finish a small for a desk or housewarming gift.
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Aging by The Stitcherhood
Aging
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Forget aging gracefully. Age DISgracefully. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 118 x 70. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:118w x 70
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:1 DMC color
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Not OCD by Iris Originals
I'm Not OCD
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Would you really do this - turn the toilet paper roll to go a different way at someone else's house? I've sure been tempted.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:103w x 85
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor floss
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Shoelaces by Iris Originals
Shoelaces
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 67
Fabric:14ct. Aida Lambswool
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, People Skills by Iris Originals
People Skills
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"I made it though the day without beating anyone with a chair, I'd say my people skills are improving".
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 105
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Today's Specials by Iris Originals
Today's Specials
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yup, that's the special many days - lack of sleep, up to early and definitely low on patience. :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:107w x 118
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Just Pee on It by Iris Originals
Just Pee on It
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Sometimes I'd really like to do that - just pee on it and walk away.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:125w x 94
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 skeins DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Kid Proof Lids by Iris Originals
Kid Proof Lids
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Don't know about you - but there are LOTS of lids out there that I can't open these days. They sure don't make things for older people to...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:97w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Never Drive Faster Than Your Broom Can Fly by MarNic Designs
Never Drive Faster Than Your Broom Can Fly
a Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:48w x 34
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sparkly Stuff by Iris Originals
Sparkly Stuff
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 77 x 97. Model...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:77w x 97
Fabric:14ct. Aida
Floss:DMC & Rainbow Gallery
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My Dog by Iris Originals
My Dog
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Cute little saying about my dog - and yes, he really does think I'm awesome :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:86w x 54
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 skeins Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Happy New Year! by The Stitcherhood
Happy New Year!
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Here is a funny design. Happy New Year! Let’s try this again. Fortunately, we get to do that each year, and hopefully make it better each...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 81
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:DMC #310 (black). Also pictured in red (#321) and blue (#517)
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Vixen by Bobbie G Designs
Vixen
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:88w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Talk To Me Goose by Silver Creek Samplers
Talk To Me Goose
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Silver Creek Samplers
This fun and quirky design features a bold, expressive goose paired with playful lettering for a touch of humor and farmhouse flair. With...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:62w x 38
Fabric:18ct. Aida
Floss:DMC Floss
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Measure of a Man by White Willow Stitching
Measure of a Man
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Ready to giggle? Between fish stories and other man stories many of us know this one in our sleep and now StitchBitch has brought it to us...
Pattern Details:
Floss:3 DMC Floss colors
Designer:StitchBitch
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Good Grief by Iris Originals
Good Grief
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well this describes me perfectly. It can almost be looking at me and I still can't find it.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:90w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:6 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Full Time Job by Imaginating
Full Time Job
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
This leaflet includes the chart and instructions.   The floss, fabric and any other supplies required to complete the project are...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:94w x 69
Floss:DMC
Designer:Diane Arthurs
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Unicorn by Kiokiz
Unicorn
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kiokiz
Pattern Details:
Floss:DMC
Designer:Kiokiz
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, When Life Gives you Lemons by Iris Originals
When Life Gives you Lemons
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"When life gives you lemons, put them in your sweet tea and thank God you're a southerner!" And if you're not a southerner - you can still...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:73w x 110
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Silence you Peasant by Iris Originals
Silence you Peasant
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Ever just wanted to tell someone "shut up" - try it this way :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:87w x 92
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:14 count
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Bad Boy by White Willow Stitching
Bad Boy
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Bad Boy is designed by my friend StitchBitch who has a wicked, sharp and twisted sense of humor. Designed using full stitches and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:79w x 62
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC floss colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #3 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #3
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A fun and cheeky design for coffee lovers who know the drill: pour it first, and then they will come. Counted cross stitch pattern....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:56w x 36
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:1 DMC color
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #7 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #7
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A playful design for coffee lovers who prefer their daily buzz in a mug. This witty saying is sure to bring a smile to anyone who considers...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:49w x 48
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:1 DMC color
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #8 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #8
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A fun and relatable design for coffee lovers who know that a little caffeine can make any conversation better. Counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:39w x 36
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:1 DMC color
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Coffee-isms #9 by Stitchnmomma
Coffee-isms #9
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
A fun and charming design for coffee lovers who know that a freshly brewed cup is truly the language of love. Counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:55w x 48
Fabric:32ct. Linen Cream
Floss:1 DMC color
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Feral by Stitchnmomma
Feral
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma
Is it meno-rage? Is it acute sleep deprivation? Is it the current state of our country? I don’t know, but I know it has been my current...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:65w x 28
Fabric:28ct. Linen
Floss:DMC Floss
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Bookstore by Rogue Stitchery
Bookstore
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Rogue Stitchery
Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 108 x 32. Chart will be in color and project includes full stitches, quarter stitches, half...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:108w x 32
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
$5.99
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Smell the Pages by Rogue Stitchery
Smell the Pages
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Rogue Stitchery
A gentle reminder to slow down and savor the moment. This lovely design features an open book framed by blooming roses and the phrase...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 32
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
$5.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Big Books by Rogue Stitchery
Big Books
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Rogue Stitchery
Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 112 x 32. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:112w x 32
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:19 DMC colors
$5.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Dashing Through the Hell No by Peacock & Fig
Dashing Through the Hell No
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock & Fig
Dashing through the what?! Oh hell, no. If you go dashing through anything it’ll be the airport on the way to a tropical destination,...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:60w x 60
Floss:DMC
Designer:Peacock & Fig
$5.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Deck the Halls by Peacock & Fig
Deck the Halls
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock & Fig
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:60w x 81
Floss:DMC
Designer:Peacock & Fig
$5.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Fa La La Wine by Peacock & Fig
Fa La La Wine
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock & Fig
Open up that box of wine and let’s make Christmas Carols fun again. “Tis the season to be boozy…” “Later on, we’ll perspire, as we drink by...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:40w x 55
Floss:DMC
Designer:Peacock & Fig
$5.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Ho Ho No by Peacock & Fig
Ho Ho No
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock & Fig
Have a low tolerance for Christmas shenanigans? Or just want a “subtle” way to tell your family to not overstay their welcome? Channel your...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:40w x 51
Floss:DMC
Designer:Peacock & Fig
$5.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Lump of Coal by Peacock & Fig
Lump of Coal
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock & Fig
Here’s the perfect gift to make for that family member that does all of their Christmas shopping at the dollar store. Tell them how much...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:60w x 60
Floss:DMC
Designer:Peacock & Fig
$5.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, "Let's Party!" by StitchyFish Designs
"Let's Party!"
a Cross Stitch Pattern by StitchyFish Designs
Brand New! "Let's Party!" by StitchyFishDesigns It's Halloween and all the little ghoulie's are out to party... but some may be more...
Pattern Details:
Floss:DMC
Designer:Lee Fisher - StitchyFish Designs
$5.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series I - Hold On Let Me Over Think This by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series I - Hold On Let Me Over Think This
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
For anyone whose brain never seems to hit the pause button, this witty design perfectly captures the art of overthinking. Counted cross...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:8 DMC colors
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series I - Sorry! I Don't Take Orders I Barely Take Suggestions by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series I - Sorry! I Don't Take Orders I Barely Take Suggestions
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
For those who prefer to do things their own way, this witty design delivers plenty of sass and humor. Counted cross stitch pattern....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:7 DMC colors
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I Just Want To Drink .... CROSS STITCH and Take Naps by Cross Stitch Wonders
I Just Want To Drink .... CROSS STITCH and Take Naps
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A wonderful saying for any CROSS STITCH enthusiast! I Just Want To Drink Coffee (or Beer, Tea, Wine, Cocktails) CROSS STITCH and Take Naps!...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:100w x 90
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I Just Want To Drink .... READ BOOKS and Take Naps by Cross Stitch Wonders
I Just Want To Drink .... READ BOOKS and Take Naps
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A great saying for any READING enthusiast! I Just Want To Drink Tea (or Coffee, Beer, Wine, Cocktails) READ BOOKS and Take Naps! Included...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:100w x 90
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, OMG They Got Me a Whole Tree by Cross Stitch Wonders
OMG They Got Me a Whole Tree
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 63 x 78. Model stitched on 14ct fabric using DMC floss. Great project for perforated paper,...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:63w x 78
Fabric:14ct. Aida Vintage Blue Whisper
Floss:7 DMC colors
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, A MUGnificent Stitch - YES, I DO HAVE A RETIREMENT PLAN I PLAN ON CAMPING by Cross Stitch Wonders
A MUGnificent Stitch - YES, I DO HAVE A RETIREMENT PLAN I PLAN ON CAMPING
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A Great RETIREMENT / CAMPING SAYING design with a plaid background in our A MUGnificent Stitch Series of counted cross stitch designs!...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:154w x 156
Floss:DMC
Designer:Marcia Manning
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series I - Be Happy it Drives People Crazy by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series I - Be Happy it Drives People Crazy
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A colorful reminder to choose happiness and let go of what others think. This uplifting design is perfect for anyone who embraces life with...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series I - Born to Argue by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series I - Born to Argue
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
For those who always have a comeback ready, this colorful and humorous design is perfect for anyone who proudly admits they were simply...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series I - Caution I Have No Filter by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series I - Caution I Have No Filter
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
For those who proudly speak their mind, this playful design features a bold "I Have No Filter" warning that's perfect for adding a little...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series I - I Run a Tight Shipwreck by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series I - I Run a Tight Shipwreck
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
For anyone who's ever felt like they're barely keeping it together, this nautical-inspired design delivers the perfect dose of humor. A fun...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series I - I'm Not Weird I'm Limited Edition by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series I - I'm Not Weird I'm Limited Edition
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Celebrate what makes you unique with this bright and uplifting design! A fun reminder that you're not weird—you're simply one of a kind and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series I - Ugliness can be fixed. Stupidity is forever. by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series I - Ugliness can be fixed. Stupidity is forever.
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A little sarcastic, a little sassy, and guaranteed to get a laugh! This witty design is perfect for anyone who appreciates sharp humor and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 160
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series II - Be a Stiletto in Room of Flats by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series II - Be a Stiletto in Room of Flats
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Stand out from the crowd with this fun and empowering design featuring the inspiring reminder to "Be a Stiletto in a Room of Flats." A...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:140w x 99
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series II - I'm Just a Person Standing in Front of a Salad Asking it to Be a Donut by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series II - I'm Just a Person Standing in Front of a Salad Asking it to Be a Donut
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Life's toughest decisions are sometimes the sweetest! This humorous design is perfect for anyone who has ever wished a salad would...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:140w x 99
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sassy Threads Series II - Looks Aren't Everything But I Have Them Just in Case by Cross Stitch Wonders
Sassy Threads Series II - Looks Aren't Everything But I Have Them Just in Case
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
For the beauty lovers who know mascara solves almost everything! This fun and fashionable design is perfect for anyone who believes life's...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:140w x 99
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
On Sale:$5.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I Just Want To Drink .... CRAFT and Take Naps by Cross Stitch Wonders
I Just Want To Drink .... CRAFT and Take Naps
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A great saying for any CRAFTING enthusiast! I Just Want To Drink Cocktails / Coffee / Beer / Wine / Tea .... CRAFT and Take Naps! Included...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:100w x 90
Fabric:14ct. aida white
Floss:DMC
On Sale:$5.95
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