Funny Phrases Cross Stitch Patterns

Need a laugh stitch? Choose a funny phrase cross stitch with clean lettering and simple borders. Finish a small for a desk or housewarming gift.
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Bitch by White Willow Stitching
Bitch
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Bitch is a subversive and sassy saying cross stitch chart designed by my dear friend StitchBitch. This line of charts requires a twisted...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:45w x 51
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 DMC floss colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Unstoppable by Iris Originals
Unstoppable
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Unstoppable - if I could just get started. Unfortunately, that would be me on many days :-) Great gift for a busy friend - or stitch for...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 skeins Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Poke it with a Stick by Iris Originals
Poke it with a Stick
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 80 x 91. Model stitched on...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Inside Every Old Person by Iris Originals
Inside Every Old Person
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened! And how true is that?! But you know - at least we're old - better than...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:92w x 99
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC or Anchor colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My Cat.... Wakes Me EARLY by Iris Originals
My Cat.... Wakes Me EARLY
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
So you have a cat who wakes you --- or you have a friend that does. This is a compliment chart to my "My Dog". So now both are available...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 82
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Bears will Kill You by Iris Originals
Bears will Kill You
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I've heard many times, "that which doesn't kill you will make you stronger"...but I sure don't want to meet a bear - don't think I could...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:131w x 103
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Note to Self by Iris Originals
Note to Self
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yup, everyday. Just because I think it doesn't mean I should say it!
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:107w x 90
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Don't Panic by The Stitcherhood
Don't Panic
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Don't panic. Organize! A design for anti-bullying, pro community or individual empowerment.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:112w x 109
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Don't Interrupt by Imaginating
Don't Interrupt
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
This leaflet includes the chart and instructions.   The floss, fabric and any other supplies required to complete the project are...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:160w x 140
Fabric:18ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My Cat Thinks I'm Cool by Cross Stitch Wonders
My Cat Thinks I'm Cool
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
My Cat Thinks I'm Cool She's Very Wise. (omit the S in she if you have a male cat) :-) A GREAT CAT SAYING in counted cross stitch! Cross...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:160w x 155
Fabric:16ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I Love Chocolate by Imaginating
I Love Chocolate
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
This leaflet includes the chart and instructions.   The floss, fabric and any other supplies required to complete the project are...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:134w x 54
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Stupid Things by Iris Originals
Stupid Things
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Another 'old people' chart - and I'm entitled to offer this.... since I'm old. Hopefully I'm not doing quite as many stupid things,...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 103
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Stupid by White Willow Stitching
Stupid
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Stupid is designed by my friend StitchBitch who has a wicked, sharp and twisted sense of humor. Designed using full stitches as well as...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:52w x 70
Floss:7 DMC floss colors
Designer:StitchBitch
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, The Queen by Imaginating
The Queen
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 105 x 105. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:105w x 105
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:10 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Life Is What Happens Between Coffee And Beer by Cross Stitch Wonders
Life Is What Happens Between Coffee And Beer
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A great LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN COFFEE AND BEER saying/phrase design. Designed by Marcia Manning. Design is 80 stitches wide by 128...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 128
Fabric:16ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Grumpy Old Lady by Iris Originals
Grumpy Old Lady
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yes, sometimes I'm a grumpy old lady, but hey - I'm still above the grass, so I'm blessed.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Hot Date by Iris Originals
Hot Date
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
What's your idea of a hot date? Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 81 x 90. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:81w x 90
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, A Stitch a Day by The Stitcherhood
A Stitch a Day
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
A Stitch a Day Keeps the Crazy Away. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 80 x 100. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 100
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Resting Beach Face by Hands on Design
Resting Beach Face
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Hands on Design
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, New Day by White Willow Stitching
New Day
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Need a good laugh? Frame it or turn it in to a bell pull. This chart will bring hours of giggles to someone with a twisted sense of humor....
Pattern Details:
Floss:9 DMC floss colors
Designer:StitchBitch
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Rise & Shine by Iris Originals
Rise & Shine
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Don't know about you - but I'm thinking I'm not the only one that isn't bright eyed when she gets out of bed. Great chart for a friend who...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:77w x 94
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, The Reason I Wake up Early by Iris Originals
The Reason I Wake up Early
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
MY DOG - is the reason I wake up in the morning.... cute cross stitch for the dog lover in your life.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:109w x 84
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Side Effects by Iris Originals
Side Effects
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Don't you know it - the older I get (and yes, I am old) the more I know I'm old from the way I'm feeling. Everyone knows that all meds...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:93w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Wednesday - friday by Iris Originals
Wednesday - friday
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Goodness - sometimes don't you just look at that calendar and think - or no, it's only Wednesday when I was ready for Friday?! This says...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:84w x 88
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 DMC or Anchor colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sunshine by White Willow Stitching
Sunshine
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
A great design for those with a twisted sense of humor. The "censored" section showed on the image of the design is not an actual part of...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:49w x 71
Fabric:28ct. Linen
Floss:6 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Weird by Iris Originals
Weird
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, it really is! Yes, I'm old - but in my mind I don't feel old. I suspect there are many like me. Great for yourself or gift for a...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:101w x 76
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Ingredients by Iris Originals
Ingredients
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Cute chart for those who aren't crazy about cooking (that would be me).
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:105w x 84
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:5 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Worry by Iris Originals
Worry
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Worry is a misuse of imagingation. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 79 x 54. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:79w x 54
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:6 DMC colors
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Work on Your Problem by Iris Originals
Work on Your Problem
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Ever had someone who wanted you to drop everything and work on.... well, you know. Cute saying for an office wall - makes a great gift.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 52
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Explaining by Iris Originals
I'm Explaining
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Just another cute saying - and yes, I am right :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 78
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:6 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, When I am Old....Grandchildren by MarNic Designs
When I am Old....Grandchildren
a Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"If I'd know grandchildren were this much fun, I'd had them to begin with!" Model stitched 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with DMC floss and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:119w x 88
Fabric:28ct. Jobelan Antique White
Floss:DMC Floss and Kreinik
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Look in the Mirror by Iris Originals
Look in the Mirror
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Probably this never happens to you - but it's the same at my house every day. "Who is that person?"
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:87w x 114
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:8 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Dust Bunnies by Linda Jeanne Jenkins
Dust Bunnies
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Linda Jeanne Jenkins
Family and friends aren't the only ones to gather at our homes! Just when we're not looking, a few little "critters" slip in to join the...
Pattern Details:
Floss:Gentle Arts 0350, 1050, 7041, 7060 and Rainbow Gallery Whisper W60 with DMC substitutions listed.
Designer:Linda Jeanne Jenkins
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Aging by The Stitcherhood
Aging
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Forget aging gracefully. Age DISgracefully. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 118 x 70. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:118w x 70
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:1 DMC color
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, The Older I Get by Iris Originals
The Older I Get
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yeah, unfortunately that sign says it all.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:101w x 65
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:5 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, I'm Not OCD by Iris Originals
I'm Not OCD
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Would you really do this - turn the toilet paper roll to go a different way at someone else's house? I've sure been tempted.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:103w x 85
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 colors DMC or Anchor floss
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Shoelaces by Iris Originals
Shoelaces
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 67
Fabric:14ct. Aida Lambswool
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, If you keep a glass of WINE in each hand, you can't touch your face. by Cross Stitch Wonders
If you keep a glass of WINE in each hand, you can't touch your face.
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A great WINE saying with wearing a mask for Covid in mind! IF YOU KEEP A GLASS OF WINE IN EACH HAND, YOU CAN'T TOUCH YOUR FACE counted...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:180w x 116
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Today's Specials by Iris Originals
Today's Specials
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yup, that's the special many days - lack of sleep, up to early and definitely low on patience. :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:107w x 118
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, People Skills by Iris Originals
People Skills
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"I made it though the day without beating anyone with a chair, I'd say my people skills are improving".
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 105
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 colors DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Just Pee on It by Iris Originals
Just Pee on It
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Sometimes I'd really like to do that - just pee on it and walk away.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:125w x 94
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 skeins DMC or Anchor
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, If you keep a BEER in each hand, you can't touch your face. by Cross Stitch Wonders
If you keep a BEER in each hand, you can't touch your face.
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A great BEER saying with wearing a mask for Covid in mind! IF YOU KEEP A BEER IN EACH HAND, YOU CAN'T TOUCH YOUR FACE counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:180w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Kid Proof Lids by Iris Originals
Kid Proof Lids
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Don't know about you - but there are LOTS of lids out there that I can't open these days. They sure don't make things for older people to...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:97w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sparkly Stuff by Iris Originals
Sparkly Stuff
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 77 x 97. Model...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:77w x 97
Fabric:14ct. Aida
Floss:DMC & Rainbow Gallery
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Happy New Year! by The Stitcherhood
Happy New Year!
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
Here is a funny design. Happy New Year! Let’s try this again. Fortunately, we get to do that each year, and hopefully make it better each...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 81
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:DMC #310 (black). Also pictured in red (#321) and blue (#517)
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My Dog by Iris Originals
My Dog
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Cute little saying about my dog - and yes, he really does think I'm awesome :-)
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:86w x 54
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:4 skeins Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Vixen by Bobbie G Designs
Vixen
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:88w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Talk To Me Goose by Silver Creek Samplers
Talk To Me Goose
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Silver Creek Samplers
This fun and quirky design features a bold, expressive goose paired with playful lettering for a touch of humor and farmhouse flair. With...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:62w x 38
Fabric:18ct. Aida
Floss:DMC Floss
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Measure of a Man by White Willow Stitching
Measure of a Man
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Ready to giggle? Between fish stories and other man stories many of us know this one in our sleep and now StitchBitch has brought it to us...
Pattern Details:
Floss:3 DMC Floss colors
Designer:StitchBitch
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Good Grief by Iris Originals
Good Grief
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well this describes me perfectly. It can almost be looking at me and I still can't find it.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:90w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:6 colors Anchor or DMC
$6.00
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