Funny Phrases Cross Stitch Patterns

Need a laugh stitch? Choose a funny phrase cross stitch with clean lettering and simple borders. Finish a small for a desk or housewarming gift.
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Early Bird Coffee by Imaginating
Early Bird Coffee
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
It's been said that the early bird gets the worm...but that early bird also gets all of the coffee! This project includes full stitches,...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:118w x 77
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:25 DMC floss colors
Released:  10/7/2022
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Dear Santa by The Stitcherhood
Dear Santa
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
A fun and funny cross stitch pattern for Christmas. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 120 x 50. Model stitched on 14ct White...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:120w x 50
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:1 DMC color
Released:  12/17/2020
$5.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Shiver Me Timbers by Sue Hillis Designs
Shiver Me Timbers
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Part of the Pirates series. Arrrrhh - Shiver me timbers. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 99 x 125. Model stitched on 28ct...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:99w x 125
Fabric:28ct. Linen Pewter
Floss:24 DMC colors
Released:  2/23/2010
$9.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, WordyBirds - June by Sweet Wing Studio
WordyBirds - June
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sweet Wing Studio
Flamingos prance on the beach in the 6th of the WordyBirds series! Perfectly beachy and fun for the month of June. Pattern is stitched...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:119w x 71
Fabric:32ct. Linen Vintage Stormy Clouds
Floss:DMC
Released:  3/20/2026
$9.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Too Hard to Get Back up by Iris Originals
Too Hard to Get Back up
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Perfect for anyone who can laugh at the little aches and pains that come with age. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 103 x 77....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:103w x 77
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Released:  6/17/2026
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Ew. People. by The Stitcherhood
Ew. People.
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
A fun, easy and humorous pattern that shows two cats with one thinking “Ew. People”. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 118 x 58....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:118w x 58
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:1 DMC color
Released:  3/25/2022
$5.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Tossing & Turning by Iris Originals
Tossing & Turning
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Sounds like a good idea to me - I need all the exercise I can get! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 105w x 83. Stitched on...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:105w x 83
Fabric:14ct. Aida white
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  6/19/2025
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Sit on the Floor by Iris Originals
Sit on the Floor
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Note to self...Do not sit on the floor without a plan on how to get up. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 98 x 115. Model...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:98w x 115
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
Released:  8/9/2021
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Rough Week by Iris Originals
Rough Week
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
"It's been a rough week - But on a positive side I didn't need any bail money and I didn't have to hide any bodies." Counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 126
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 DMC colors
Released:  4/6/2016
$6.30
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Piracy by Sue Hillis Designs
Piracy
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Part of the Pirates series. Piracy - A viable career option. When stitched on 14 count fabric or "over two" on 28 count, fits into a 5 inch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:63w x 85
Fabric:14ct. Aida Ivory
Released:  2/28/2011
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Black Hat Society by Sue Hillis Designs
Black Hat Society
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Proud member of the Black Hat Society. Candy corn button included.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:69w x 49
Fabric:14ct. Aida Lilac
Released:  1/1/2006
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, All You Need is Coffee by Alessandra Adelaide Needleworks
All You Need is Coffee
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Alessandra Adelaide Needleworks
All you need is ... coffee aroma, coffee scent, coffee taste, coffee strength ... Coffee! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 127...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:127w x 132
Fabric:18ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
Released:  4/14/2026
$16.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Please Hesitate by Mary Engelbreit by Spot Colors
Please Hesitate by Mary Engelbreit
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Spot Colors
A witty design with a touch of dark humor, featuring woodland friends and the playful phrase, "And Please Hesitate to Call Me." Perfect for...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:121w x 104
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Released:  5/28/2026
$12.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Mortgage Sweet Mortgage by Peacock & Fig
Mortgage Sweet Mortgage
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock & Fig
The Mortgage Sweet Mortgage cross stitch pattern is a fun play on the traditional phrase “Home Sweet Home,” and reflects the modern reality...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:65w x 85
Floss:DMC
Designer:Peacock & Fig
Released:  5/12/2020
$8.98
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Santa's Helpers by Sue Hillis Designs
Santa's Helpers
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Features colorful Christmas cocktails beneath the phrase “Santa’s Real Helpers.” With its bright colors, charming details and lighthearted...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 67
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:12 DMC colors
Released:  5/15/2025
On Sale:$6.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Old and Wise by Iris Originals
Old and Wise
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
The reason I'm old and wise is that God protected me when I was young and stupid! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 89 x 89....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:89w x 89
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 DMC colors
Released:  1/14/2021
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Lick the Frosting by Iris Originals
Lick the Frosting
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin...and muffins are healthy - You're Welcome! Counted cross stitch pattern....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:93w x 79
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Released:  5/20/2025
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Wine a Bit by Sue Hillis Designs
Wine a Bit
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Bold stitched in rich wine tones, the cheeky message “Wine a bit… you’ll feel better" is perfect for wine lovers with a sense of humor!...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:53w x 71
Fabric:14ct. Aida Lambswool
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  1/1/2006
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Home is Where the Cat Is by Kitty & Me Designs
Home is Where the Cat Is
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kitty & Me Designs
A gentle and heartwarming design celebrating the quiet magic of home. Featuring a sweet cat’s face framed by soft florals and the...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:157w x 110
Fabric:28ct. Lugana White
Floss:28 DMC colors
Released:  12/17/2025
$12.80
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Cross Stitch Keeps Me Sane by Kitty & Me Designs
Cross Stitch Keeps Me Sane
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kitty & Me Designs
For stitchers everywhere, this beautiful floral design says it best—cross stitch really does keep us sane! A charming and heartfelt project...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:114w x 59
Fabric:28ct. Lugana Ivory
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  5/27/2026
$8.80
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Cross Stitch Patterns, The Moon was Full by The Stitcherhood
The Moon was Full
a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood
In my defense, the moon was full and I was unsupervised. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 120 x 92. Model stitched on 14ct...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:120w x 92
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 DMC colors
Released:  1/20/2023
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Menopausal Dwarves by Sue Hillis Designs
Menopausal Dwarves
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Itchy Bitchy Sleepy Sweaty Bloaty Forgetful and Psycho.
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:55w x 84
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Released:  3/16/2015
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Your Issues by Sue Hillis Designs
Your Issues
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
This bold, humorous pattern features the phrase “Please cancel my subscription to your issues” framed with classic stamp-style details and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 102
Fabric:14ct. Aida Ivory
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  9/30/2021
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Before My Morning Coffee by Artecy Cross Stitch
Before My Morning Coffee
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artecy Cross Stitch
This counted cross stitch pattern of Roosevelt the cat was designed from the beautiful artwork of Gail Gastfield. Only full cross stitches...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:198w x 230
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:58 DMC colors
Released:  1/24/2012
$15.95
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Without Coffee by Iris Originals
Without Coffee
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Yes, I'm a self confessed coffee addict, and anyone who knows me knows that - so friends are always teasing me. That's okay - just don't...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:90w x 78
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 colors Anchor or DMC
Released:  5/28/2018
$6.30
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Cross Stitch Patterns, New Day by White Willow Stitching
New Day
a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Need a good laugh? Frame it or turn it in to a bell pull. This chart will bring hours of giggles to someone with a twisted sense of humor....
Pattern Details:
Floss:9 DMC floss colors
Designer:StitchBitch
Released:  2/10/2017
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Loves Me by Sue Hillis Designs
Loves Me
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
...Loves me, Loves me not...'tis no matter, I'm all he's got. When stitched on 14 count fabric or "over two" on 28 count, fits into a 5...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:58w x 86
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Released:  1/31/2009
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Chocolate Resistance by Erica Michaels Designs
Chocolate Resistance
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Erica Michaels Designs
Personally, for me there is no resistance happening whatsoever - but perhaps that's easier for others! This quick-to-stitch design is just...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:141w x 47
Fabric:36ct. Linen Vintage Country Mocha
Floss:Weeks Dye Works
Released:  4/17/2026
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Quotables Fitness Sore Today by PinoyStitch
Quotables Fitness Sore Today
a Cross Stitch Pattern by PinoyStitch
Quotables word art counted cross stitch patterns make great easy projects for all types of stitchers. These easy counted...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:67w x 72
Floss:DMC Floss Colors: 8
Designer:PinoyStitch
Multiple styles available
Released:  9/10/2016
$8.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Underestimate Me by Imaginating
Underestimate Me
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
This black and white design by Mary Engelbreit brings some fun and wit to your stitching. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 95...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 118
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 DMC colors
Multiple styles available
Released:  1/19/2022
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Bathroom Concierge Kitty Cat by Cross Stitch Wonders
Bathroom Concierge Kitty Cat
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Add a little humor to your bathroom with this adorable design featuring a curious cat and a message every cat owner knows is all too true....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:96w x 96
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:17 DMC colors
Released:  6/3/2026
On Sale:$8.49
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Roses are Red Violets are Blue ... Poo by Cross Stitch Wonders
Roses are Red Violets are Blue ... Poo
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
It's a sweet, humorous thank-you note from your furry friend—perfectly capturing that adorable blend of love and, well… responsibility....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:118w x 139
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  9/13/2021
On Sale:$5.09
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Help! There's a Cat in my Lap and I Can't Get Up! by Cross Stitch Wonders
Help! There's a Cat in my Lap and I Can't Get Up!
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
This playful pattern features a sweet, sleeping kitty positioned atop the bold phrase, making it both a laugh-out-loud conversation starter...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:80w x 98
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:3 DMC colors
Released:  1/12/2020
On Sale:$3.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Ride the Broom by Imaginating
Ride the Broom
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Add a dash of spooky fun to your stitching with "Ride The Broom!" This playful cross stitch design features a witch’s skirt with striped...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:94w x 122
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:14 DMC colors
Multiple styles available
Released:  4/17/2019
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Life Is Better With Cats by Cross Stitch Wonders
Life Is Better With Cats
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Let your devotion to whiskers and purrs shine in every stitch! This delightful pattern spells out a heartfelt truth with playfulness—Life...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:98w x 108
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  8/5/2019
On Sale:$3.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Life is Too Short for Bad Coffee by Cross Stitch Wonders
Life is Too Short for Bad Coffee
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A Great COFFEE Saying Design in counted cross stitch! Marcia Manning designed this from artwork by Sanquentti Design. Design is 88...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:88w x 100
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC
Released:  6/4/2017
On Sale:$3.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Woodworking by Sue Hillis Designs
Woodworking
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Celebrate craftsmanship with this witty and fun design. Surrounded by a playful arrangement of ruler, saw, hammer, drill and clamps, this...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:79w x 72
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:8 DMC colors
Released:  3/8/2022
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Old People by Iris Originals
Old People
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Don't Make Old People Mad - we don't like being old in the first place so it doesn't take much to piss us off. Counted cross stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:70w x 87
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:5 DMC colors
Released:  1/26/2018
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Life ... Coffee N' Wine by Cross Stitch Wonders
Life ... Coffee N' Wine
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
A Great COFFEE/WINE Saying Design in counted cross stitch! Marcia Manning designed this from Exclusive artwork by Sanquentti Design. ...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:86w x 97
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Released:  5/8/2017
On Sale:$3.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Complete Sentence by Imaginating
Complete Sentence
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
This design is such a fun way to celebrate this important sentiment! Project includes full stitches, backstitching and a few quarter...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:107w x 131
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:2 DMC floss colors
Multiple styles available
Released:  7/11/2023
$7.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Here For The Candy by Crafty Bluebonnet Designs
Here For The Candy
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Crafty Bluebonnet Designs
A sweet and spooky Halloween design featuring a playful “Just Here for the Candy” saying, complete with a candy corn accent, spider and...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:47w x 46
Fabric:28ct. Linen Pearl Gray
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  8/28/2026
$9.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Wine Gnome by Cross Stitch Wonders
Wine Gnome
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
The gnome can be stitched by itself or along with the funny saying. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch counts: 130 x 116 (gnome &...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:130w x 116
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:19 DMC colors
Released:  2/8/2022
On Sale:$6.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, When I Was a Kid by Iris Originals
When I Was a Kid
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
When I was a kid I wanted to be older - This is not what I expected. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 95 x 91. Model stitched...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:95w x 91
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Released:  6/15/2021
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Women Who Behave by Sue Hillis Designs
Women Who Behave
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs
Part of the Pirates series. Women who behave - Rarely make history. Handcuffs charm included. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count:...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:90w x 60
Fabric:14ct. Aida Sage/Summer Khaki
Floss:13 DMC colors
Released:  10/19/2009
$8.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Dear Santa by Cross Stitch Wonders
Dear Santa
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders
Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 110 x 245. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss. Design is all full cross...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:110w x 245
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:1 DMC color
Released:  3/17/2019
On Sale:$3.79
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Cross Stitch Patterns, My Thoughts by Iris Originals
My Thoughts
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Sometimes the thoughts in my head get bored and stroll out of my mouth! That's never a good thing! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:91w x 106
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:4 DMC colors
Released:  1/3/2025
$6.50
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Getting Old Ain't for Sissies by Iris Originals
Getting Old Ain't for Sissies
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals
Well, this one about says it all - getting old definitely AIN'T for Sissies! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 143 x 133....
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:143w x 133
Fabric:14ct. Aida
Floss:DMC & Anchor
Released:  12/17/2021
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Love You To The Moon by Imaginating
Love You To The Moon
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Shoot for the stars with this sweet and whimsical design! Featuring a colorful rocket ship, crescent moon, and twinkling stars, it’s...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:84w x 127
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:DMC Floss
Released:  8/31/2017
$6.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, Beware the Cat by Artists Alley
Beware the Cat
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artists Alley
Features a sleek black kitty riding high on a broomstick, tail in the air and attitude to spare. Stitched alongside playful lettering, this...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:192w x 156
Fabric:14ct. Aida White
Floss:8 DMC colors
Released:  4/5/2024
$10.00
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Cross Stitch Patterns, If Crabby by Stitchy Prose
If Crabby
a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchy Prose
A stitch for that "crabby someone" to remind them that some moods are best cured by salt air, sandy toes, and a return to the shore. The...
Pattern Details:
Stitch Count:120w x 80
Fabric:32ct. Linen Flax Variegated
Floss:DMC, Classic Color Works
Released:  4/29/2026
$11.00
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