Funny Phrases Cross Stitch Patterns | Everything Cross Stitch

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Need a laugh stitch? Choose a funny phrase cross stitch with clean lettering and simple borders. Finish a small for a desk or housewarming gift.

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Woodworking

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs

Celebrate craftsmanship with this witty and fun design. Surrounded by a playful arrangement of ruler, saw, hammer, drill and clamps, this...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:79w x 72

Fabric:14ct. Aida Beautiful Beige

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Stitchnmomma

If you’re a coffee fanatic, or know someone who is, then you’d probably agree that this sentiment is perfect! A quick stitch with just 5...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:66w x 48

Fabric:32ct. Lugana Cream

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

We all know we're NOT going to run out of supplies. May get down low - but run out - can usually go into the 'stash' and find something.

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:148w x 137

Fabric:14ct. Aida white

Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC

$6.50

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Your Issues

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs

This bold, humorous pattern features the phrase “Please cancel my subscription to your issues” framed with classic stamp-style details and...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:110w x 102

Fabric:14ct. Aida Ivory

Floss:DMC Floss

$10.00

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Life ... Coffee N' Wine

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

A Great COFFEE/WINE Saying Design in counted cross stitch! Marcia Manning designed this from Exclusive artwork by Sanquentti Design. ...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:86w x 97

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

$4.50

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Santa's Helpers

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs

Features colorful Christmas cocktails beneath the phrase “Santa’s Real Helpers.” With its bright colors, charming details, and lighthearted...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:67w x 67

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:DMC Floss

$8.00

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Sassy Threads Series I - I'm Not Weird I'm Limited Edition

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

SASSY THREADS SERIES I I'M NOT WEIRD I'M LIMITED EDITION guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:109w x 160

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:DMC

$7.00

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Sassy Threads Series II - I'm Just a Person Standing in Front of a Salad Asking it to Be a Donut

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

SASSY THREADS SERIES II I'M JUST A PERSON STANDING IN FRONT OF A SALAD ASKING IT TO BE A DONUT guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:140w x 99

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Rogue Stitchery

Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 112 x 32. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss.

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:112w x 32

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood

A Positive Sign, a humorous, easy and fun cross stitch design! Model stitched on 14 count fiddler oatmeal Aida cross stitch fabric and...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:86w x 116

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating

This black and white design by Mary Engelbreit brings some fun and wit to your stitching. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 95...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:95w x 118

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:3 DMC colors

Multiple styles available

On Sale:$5.95

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Old and Wise

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

The reason I'm old and wise is that God protected me when I was young and stupid! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 89 x 89....

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:89w x 89

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

This probably fits most of us... but when we get there, well, maybe being a kid isn't such a bad thing after all.

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:95w x 91

Fabric:14ct. Aida white

Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC

$6.00

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Bail Money

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:117w x 89

Fabric:14ct. Aida white

Floss:6 colors Anchor or DMC

$6.00

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HELP! There's a cat in my lap and I can't get up!

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

This playful pattern features a sweet, sleeping kitty (in soft mocha tones) positioned atop the bold phrase—making it both a laugh-out-loud...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:80w x 98

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:DMC Floss

$4.50

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Coffee Makes Me Human

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kitty & Me Designs

Features a pretty vintage style coffee pot, yellow flowers, two little red birds and the humorous statement "Coffee Makes Me...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:114w x 59

Fabric:28ct. Lugana Cream

a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood

A fun, easy and humorous pattern that shows two cats with one thinking “Ew. People”. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 118 x 58....

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:118w x 58

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sweet Wing Studio

Flamingos prance on the beach in the 6th of the WordyBirds series! Perfectly beachy and fun for the month of June. Pattern is stitched...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:119w x 71

Fabric:32ct. Linen Vintage Stormy Clouds

Floss:DMC

$9.00

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Life is Too Short for Bad Coffee

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

A Great COFFEE Saying Design in counted cross stitch! Marcia Manning designed this from artwork by Sanquentti Design. Design is 88...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:88w x 100

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:DMC

$4.50

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Cross Stitch Keeps Me Sane

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Kitty & Me Designs

Reminiscent of an old sampler, this cross stitch pattern features the humorous quote, Cross Stitch Keeps Me Sane. A pretty floral border...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:114w x 59

Fabric:28ct. Lugana Cream

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Sometimes the thoughts in my head get bored and stroll out of my mouth! That's never a good thing! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:91w x 106

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs

Part of the Pirates series. Women who behave - Rarely make history. Handcuffs charm included. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count:...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:90w x 60

Fabric:14ct. Aida Sage/Summer Khaki

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 110 x 245. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss. Design is all full cross...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:110w x 245

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:1 DMC color

$4.50

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Getting Old Ain't for Sissies

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Well, this one about says it all - getting old definitely AIN'T for Sissies! Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 143 x 133....

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:143w x 133

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artists Alley

Never mind the witch—beware of the cat! This whimsical cross-stitch by Artists Alley features a sleek black kitty riding high on a...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:192w x 156

Fabric:14ct. Aida Icelandic Gray

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs

Bold stitched in rich wine tones, the cheeky message “Wine a bit… you’ll feel better" is perfect for wine lovers with a sense of humor!...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:53w x 71

Fabric:14ct. Aida Lambswool

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

"I'm sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?" I'm sure you never do that - unfortunately I do it frequently so this is an appropriate saying...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:80w x 112

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC floss

$6.00

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A Cat Saying - I Run on Coffee, Sarcasm And Cats

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

A GREAT CAT SAYING in counted cross stitch! Cross Stitch Pattern designed by Marcia Manning. Design is 198 stitches wide by 192 stitches...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:192w x 198

Floss:DMC

Designer:Marcia Manning

$6.00

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Sassy Threads Series I - Ugliness can be fixed. Stupidity is forever.

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

SASSY THREADS SERIES I UGLINESS CAN BE FIXED. STUPIDITY IS FOREVER. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:109w x 160

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:DMC

$7.00

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Sassy Threads Series II - Be a Stiletto in Room of Flats

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

Part of the Sassy Threads Series II. You can stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the saying. Original artwork by...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:140w x 99

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:5 DMC colors

$7.00

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Sassy Threads Series II - Looks Aren't Everything But I Have Them Just in Case

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

SASSY THREADS SERIES II LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING BUT I HAVE THEM JUST IN CASE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:140w x 99

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artists Alley

Let's face it, I was crazy before the cats. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 100 x 98. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:100w x 98

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Well, at least I'm going to try

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:84w x 91

Fabric:14ct. Aida white

Floss:4 colors Anchor or DMC

$7.50

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A Funny Saying - Alexa, Clean My House

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Cross Stitch Wonders

A FUNNY ALEXA SAYING in counted cross stitch! Cross Stitch Pattern designed by Marcia Manning. Design is 159 stitches wide by 119 stitches...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:159w x 119

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Must remember this - I certainly don't need to speak everything I think .

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:103w x 112

Fabric:14ct. Aida white

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Well, this one sure fits me, and probably a LOT of other stitchers out there. But, that's Okay, it's our mess and we love it.

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:89w x 89

Fabric:14ct. Aida

Floss:8 colors Anchor or DMC

$6.00

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Menopausal Dwarves

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis Designs

Itchy Bitchy Sleepy Sweaty Bloaty Forgetful and Psycho.

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:55w x 84

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

$7.00

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This Age

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Oh yeah. I can attest to the fact that as I get older I can't do all the stuff I used to do or want to do - at least that's true with me. ...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:94w x 89

Fabric:14ct. Aida white

Floss:3 colors Anchor or DMC

$6.50

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Best FRiend

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Cute saying about your best friend - does she know too much - probably :-)

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:109w x 93

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:6 DMC or Anchor colors

$6.50

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At That Age

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Well, I guess if one lives long enough, this can be correct.

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:81w x 96

Fabric:14ct. Aida white

Floss:4 color Anchor or DMC

$7.00

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Bitch

a Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching

Bitch is a subversive and sassy saying cross stitch chart designed by my dear friend StitchBitch. This line of charts requires a twisted...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:45w x 51

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:5 DMC floss colors

$6.00

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Talk Dirt To Me

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Val's Stuff

Perfect for garden lovers with a sense of humor, this cheerful design features a friendly gardener surrounded by blooming flowers,...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:97w x 122

Fabric:28ct. Lugana Ice Blue

Floss:DMC Floss, Weeks Dye Works

$10.00

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Younger

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating

Don't we all wish we get older while looking younger?! This Mary Engelbreit design is the perfect project to gift to a friend or family...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:100w x 143

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

Floss:19 DMC floss colors

$7.00

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The Queen

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating

Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 105 x 105. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss.

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:105w x 105

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

I'm awake! But, if you're expecting bright eyed & bushy tailed - go catch a squirrel. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 117 x...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:117w x 91

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Lucy Beam

A warm, relatable design that mixes heartfelt sentiment with gentle humor. Featuring soft, rustic motifs and the honest phrase “Pray for...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:86w x 70

Fabric:36ct. Linen

Floss:Gentle Art Sampler Threads, DMC Floss

$12.00

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No Solicitors

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artists Alley

No Solicitors Violators will be sacrificed to the Old Gods Not the new

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:150w x 151

Fabric:14ct. Aida Ice Blue

a Cross Stitch Pattern by The Stitcherhood

A Stitch a Day Keeps the Crazy Away. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 80 x 100. Model stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:80w x 100

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Artists Alley

Roses are red, candles are lit, do no harm but take no shit. Counted cross stitch pattern. Stitch count: 137 x 166. Model stitched on 14ct...

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:137w x 166

Fabric:14ct. Aida White

a Cross Stitch Pattern by Iris Originals

Well yes, that happens fairly frequently. Need to rejuvinate the memory.

Pattern Details:

Stitch Count:102w x 88

Fabric:14ct. Aida white

Floss:8 colors Anchor or DMC

$7.00

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